And Then You Kissed Me
by mirrorOfsin
Summary: it was the most simplest of touches and yet it made Cora's heart soar. She lowered her head slowly and then kissed her. Long fic over many years. Cora/Sarah with some background Cora/Robert. Sexual content.


Requested by ellasphere (LJ)

Sarah/Cora (Robert) - Something set in that first year when Robert didn't love Cora.

And then you kissed me

_Her eyes were wide, her cheeks flushed and lips parted. Her mind was swimming but the only clear and constant thought was that she wanted to do this. She wanted to take this risk. She swayed on her feet and she was sure that the other woman could smell of wine on her breath. But there was no judgement in the other her eyes, only what seemed to be deep longing and Cora leaned in._

"_Sarah…" she whispered, her eyes fell to her lips and then back to her eyes. Her maid boldly touched her face and it was the most simplest of touches and yet it made Cora's heart soar. She lowered her head slowly and then kissed her. _

**1897**

Along the table Lady Grantham smiled politely as she sipped her wine though she did not understand what it was that Lady Woodrock was referring to. But it seemed as if her husband understood and laughed freely with the other guests. It would take some getting used to, she thought to herself as she glanced at the faces opposite her. English society was quite different from that in America and, despite the pleasantries, she knew she would always be seen as a foreigner in this country. Well, that, she didn't mind too much, hoping that any faux pas she made would be brushed off because of that. Cora knew full well how to use her nationality to her advantage but tonight she wished that someone would just talk to her without raising the fact she was American every so often.

"It does snow in New York, does it not?" Lady Woodrock asked her, turning her old large grey eyes to her and Lord Woodrock snorted.

"Of course it does!" he said before Cora could reply. "Though I doubt as much as it does here."

"Well, I have had no experience of English snow, but there was quite a lot in New York a year ago," Cora replied with a smile that she forced.

"Our winters are very different," Lord Woodrock said before turning back to Robert as if it was some contest and that English weather won out.

Cora inwardly laughed at that and took a larger sip of wine this time. Throughout the course of the evening her husband had barely spoke or looked at her and she sat most of the time listening to the other's speak. She had no idea who they were speaking out, names of lords and ladies passed over her and she contented herself with drinking the wine that was poured for her. When it came to an end and the ladies went off into a separate room, Cora sat on a chair and tried to listen and nod in all the right places but her thoughts drifted. She was not surprised that Robert paid so little attention to her, he did not love her though he was kind and attentive most of the time. He had married her five months ago for her fortune, a fact she had been fully aware of, but she had seen he wasn't a cruel man and could possibly live quite a content life with him. That's why she agreed to it and to move to England with him.

But this evening she resented him and even when the men re-joined them he still did not come to her to even ask if she was enjoying herself. She had yet another glass of wine and was quite sure one of the other ladies had noticed but she found herself uncaring. She was bored and wanted to retire to her room instead of listening to endless accounts from these women. She was the youngest woman there, all the other ladies where at least twenty years her senior and kept to the old traditions quite closely. Lady Woodrock had earlier commented on the fashion of Cora's hair – a new style that was popular in America and even with some of the ladies in London.

"It's very fetching on your, my dear," Lady Woodrock said patting her hand. "But it would not do for me."

Cora smiled again and was saved from a reply when the butler came towards and all the attention was diverted to him.

"Excuse me, my lady, but Lady Grantham's maid has been taken ill," the butler, Timms, informed them he was told to speak.

"Oh, the poor girl," Cora said her face filled with concern. "She has not been well since we arrived."

"We can fetch our doctor," Lady Woodstone injected and Timms nodded.

"Very good my lady."

"In the meantime please tell Mrs Lewis to care for her."

Timms left them to do as he was instructed and Lady Woodstone looked at Cora and took her hand.

"You shouldn't worry my dear, our doctor is one of the best in London."

"Thank you," Cora said gratefully. "I think the girl also misses her family."

"I'm sure," the older woman replied. "I shall send my maid to attend you."

Cora inclined her head and then the conversation was steered again to something that left Cora out of it. She inwardly sighed, thinking about her poor maid who had looked deathly pale this morning but insisted on working. Cora had half a mind to send the girl back, she was miserable here in England and knew she wrote constantly to her family. It wasn't fair and maybe if she had an English lady's maid it might help her fit in a little more.

When the evening gradually drew to a close and everyone began to retire, it wasn't until Cora stood that she realised she had drunk more wine that she thought. Thankfully no one noticed her slightly unsteady rise and she swallowed as, for a moment, her vision swam. Lady Woodstone told her that she would send her maid along quickly and Cora was shown her room, noting that Robert barely registered that she was going up.

Inside her room she breathed out and, swaying a little, she inspected the place. She raised her eyebrow as she spotted a decanter on the side and crossed over and with a smile she poured herself out another drink. The whiskey burned down her throat but after a few more sips she got used to it and poured out another. In the back of her mind she knew that this was really not the way a lady should act (she imagined the look of absolute horror on her mother-in-law's face if she saw her) and giggled loudly just as a knock came at her door.

She was surprised to see Robert, changed and wrapped in a dark grey robe, come in and he was even more surprised to see her with a drink in hand. He shut her door with a click and she saw his brow furrow when he glanced again at her nearly empty glass.

"Have you not had enough?" he asked not without some judgement and that immediately flared her temper.

"Not at all," she replied and took a sip.

"Everyone noticed," he said and she rolled her eyes.

"Of course," she replied and now her head swam even more. "I'm surprised that they didn't mention it. Or the fact you never spoke to me all evening."

"You're behaving like a child, Cora," he said and her eyes flashed.

"Do you know how it felt to sit there and have no one talk to you? Everyone speaking in such condescending tones because I'm American?"

"Perhaps you could have made more of an effort," he replied coolly.

"An effort? I doubt it takes much effort to talk to your _wife_," she said tartly and he steeled his shoulders.

"I will say goodnight," Robert told her and Cora turned her head away, not speaking. He stood for a second in silence before he turned on his heel and left. Once the door closed she stared at it and then banged down her glass on the table so hard it broke and she suddenly burst into tears. A small knock came at her door and she wondered if it was Robert come to apologise but a woman, younger than herself, came in and for a moment just stared at her.

"Oh," Cora wiped her tears as best she could. "I apologise-"

"No need milady," the maid said quickly, her accent surprising Cora for a moment and came forward. She scooped up the bits of broken glass and disposed them in the waste basket near the desk. Cora swayed a little on her feet and steadied herself against the desk, watching the maid move about the room. Her motion made Cora suddenly feel sick and closed her eyes.

"Milady?" the maid looked at her and breathing in deeply Cora opened her eyes.

"It's nothing," she said though the lie was obvious. "What is your name?"

"O'Brien. Sarah," she said and Cora gave a vague nod and then turned so the woman could undress her.

"I'm sorry that you have to do this. My own maid was taken ill," Cora said unsure why she was apologising to the maid. O'Brien said nothing and Cora bit her lip as the woman untied her laces and drew her dress down her body.

"It's kind for Lady Woodstone to send her lady's maid."

"I'm not 'er ladyship's maid," O'Brien said and Cora blinked.

"Oh?"

"I'm standin' in until she finds someone else," she expanded and Cora gave a small nod but that made her head throb. "You should drink some water, milady," O'Brien added as an afterthought noticing Cora's wince.

She made no reply as moved her arms and legs whilst O'Brien continued to undress her. Her hands were swift and sure on her body and Cora gazed at her as she moved in front of her and untied her stockings. She was suddenly hyperaware of every touch to her body, most likely brought on by the drink, but it made her take in a breath. It was a reaction she had not experienced for a long time and especially not brought on by a servant! She felt her cheeks heat up and hoped that O'Brien would not notice.

Sarah was careful when she touched this woman. She had been irritated earlier when she was ordered to go and undress her but when she had opened the door and seen her, the sight was something she hadn't prepared herself for. She expected the American lady to be anything but the slightly drunk, crying and lonely looking woman she found. Her eyes were large and so beautiful with unshed tears that Sarah had just stared at her again. In fact, everything about the Countess was beautiful. If the whispers from the other servants had been true, that her husband had barely spoken to her all night, then Sarah thought him the stupidest of men.

Hell, she berated herself, what are you thinking O'Brien? Stop gawking and just dress her. Obviously the Countess had not noticed that she let her eyes linger a little too long on her – a reaction that she herself wondered over. She had never been taken in by someone before. But this Countess was unlike any other she had seen that was for certain.

Cora was thankful when she finally got to sit down at the dresser after she was dressed for bed and was comforted when O'Brien began to unpin her hair and comb it out slowly. She quietly asked O'Brien some questions and the maid answered her in stilted sentences but after a few moments she relaxed enough to voice a few opinions. Cora hid a smile as she heard the cynical tone in the woman's voice when Cora asked about some of the guests that were at the dinner.

Sarah found it oddly pleasant to talk almost freely with this woman. Maybe because she was America she didn't mind Sarah speaking more than a little frankly that she should though she still remembered to check herself. She never spoke to her mistress in this way and Cora had asked some questions about her which her ladyship had never asked. At first Sarah's instant reaction was to tell her it was none of her business but the,n seeing as she doubted she would see the woman again, she gave in.

Cora smiled as she listened to O'Brien speak and it was the most natural conversation she had had in weeks. There was something oddly comforting about the maid that Cora liked.

"Would you like me to attend you tomorrow mornin' milday?" Sarah found herself asking a few moments of silence had descended and Cora lifted her eyes to look at her in the mirror.

"Would that not be a lot of work?"

"Not at all milady," Sarah said as she combed through Cora's dark hair. "Her ladyship does not take a long time to do."

"Thank you," Cora said with a small smile and then Sarah set down the brush. Cora slowly stood and turned, looking once again at the maid's face. She had remarkable blue eyes, Cora noted and, although slightly stern in her expression, Cora felt her heart make a small jolt in her chest. Her mouth was suddenly so dry and she tried to swallow but that didn't help. Heat flushed her cheeks again and she was sure that O'Brien noticed.

"Milady?" she stepped towards her and there was concern in her voice. Cora didn't know why her breath caught in her throat or why she moved closer so that they were but a foot apart. It was the alcohol, she kept repeating as her eyes darted down to O'Brien's lips. She wasn't thinking clearly…

Sarah noticed the Countess' chest rapidly rise and fall and she blinked a few times, body swaying slightly. Hell, the woman had had more to drink that Sarah though. Otherwise there was no chance that she would be staring at her, doe-eyed and flushed as she did now.

"Milady…" Sarah started and when the Countess swayed some more she did not think but reached out to stop her from toppling over all together. Cora sucked in a breath, the heat from the woman's hand seemed to burn through to her skin and now they were closer than before. This was madness but Sarah wanted to lean in and kiss her. It was all her instincts told her to do and the Countess, she knew, would not object as she leaned in…

Fast footsteps outside on the corridor made Cora draw back sharply and Sarah took a few steps away, taking her hand off Cora's waist. What had she been thinking? The Countess looked surprised and then blushed but this time from embarrassment.

"I-"

"I'll leave you now," Sarah interrupted, sparing the woman and herself further humiliation and Cora looked relieved. She gathered her things and quickly left the Countess' room, heart beating wildly and cursing herself for such foolish actions.

Cora let go of a breath when O'Brien left and sank onto her bed. Had she nearly kissed that maid? What madness had possessed her? She drew the covers up around herself after she blew out the candle and wished to just sleep in order to forget how much she had wanted to do that.

**/x/**

Cora woke up groggily and her head felt so thick and heavy she could barely keep it up. Then it all rushed to her, the memories of last night and panic gripped her. Oh God, O'Brien! The woman would be coming to dress her this morning and her heart started a wild beat when she remembered her reaction to the other woman last night. Sluggishly, Cora sat up but had no time to move any further when O'Brien came in. For a moment she looked startled that the other woman was awake but then closed the door and moved around hesitantly towards the wardrobe.

"Do you 'ave any specific dress you'd like to wear milady?" she asked looking at the dresses rather than the Countess.

Cora hesitated for a moment then answered that she wanted to wear the blue and cream lace dress. It seemed apparent that O'Brien was not going mention last night and Cora was more than grateful for her silence. She briefly asked about her maid and O'Brien told her that she was still sick but was being looked after. Cora gave a small nod and then stared ahead as she was dressed quickly and then was surprised when O'Brien managed to repeat the hairstyle she had last night.

"You know this hairstyle?" she asked, peering at it and Sarah offered her a small smile.

"I remember how it was last night, milady," she said and then awkwardly paused. Cora's heart twisted in her chest and her temple throbbed in time but neither said anything more.

Sarah finished up (the Countess could put on her jewellery herself at least) and stood by the door waiting for a formal dismissal. Cora's face still looked pinched and pale and Sarah guessed she was struggling with a headache and sickness. She thought that maybe she should bring her something but decided against it. If she wanted anything she could ask – Sarah wasn't her maid after all.

"Well, if that's all milady," she said when Cora didn't speak and Cora bit her lip lightly with a small nod.

"Thank you for your service," she replied politely and met her eyes for the first time that morning. It only lasted for a heartbeat but it was more than enough and then Sarah left the room as Cora buried her face in her hands.

**/x/**

**1902**

Cora sat in the sitting room of their London house with what seemed to be a hundred pieces of paper around her – all applicants for the position to be her lady's maid. She flicked through the sheets of the recent lot that had come through and they all had good résumés but none of them were what she was searching for. The women sounded wonderful on paper but she wondered what they would really be like. Would they be timid? Matronly? Talkative? As foolish as it sounded (her mother-in-law's voice in her head told her how absurd she was being) she wanted a companion as well as a new maid.

It wasn't until she came across the second to last application that she paused and pulled it out of the stack. For a moment her breath left her as the name stared up at her from the paper and then, strangely, the corners of her mouth kicked up into a small smile. She stood clutching the paper in her hand and made her way to her writing desk. She wasted no time in drafting a letter requesting that the woman came for an interview – though Cora had, in those few minutes, already decided that this was the woman she wanted.

When Robert came in a couple of minutes later, she smiled up at him as he dropped a small kiss on her cheek and then raised his eyebrow at all the papers she had left scattered on the seats.

"Found anyone of interest?" he asked picking up a couple and Cora gave a small nod.

"Yes, I have found one," she said contently picking up the letter in her hand to give to Carson to send. "I have called her for an interview."

"I am glad. You have had three in the past five years," Robert said with some amusement.

"I am sure that this one will stay for longer," Cora said hopefully and Robert chuckled.

"I hope so too, for all our sakes."

**/x/**

Sarah supressed the urge to fidget as she waited for the Countess to return to the room. Five years had passed since she had last seen her and yet it was as if they had only met for the first time that morning. She almost sighed with relief when she finally came back, apologising profusely for leaving her and settled in a chair opposite. She certainly looked much happier than when Sarah had last seen her and obviously more accustomed to English society. After being served tea, Cora began questioning her lightly, starting with giving her condolences on Lady Woodstone's recent passing. Sarah was thankful that this wasn't nearly as awkward as she had imagined it would be when she read the respond. She had not thought about that night for a very long time – or about the woman – until she had seen the advertisement. Whether to apply or not had played on her mind constantly but she decided there was no harm in trying. She had certainly not expected a rather eager response requesting a small interview.

This was far easier than Cora thought. Once she had sent the letter countless thoughts had evaded her, thoughts that had not occupied her mind for years. She did not really know what she had expected but everything seemed to be going smoothly and it was as if they had never met before. Well, she thought to herself, five years had indeed changed a lot of things. Robert had fallen in love with her and she was happily married so everything before did not matter, she told herself. She smiled and the woman gave her a small smile in return.

"Well, I think that that is all. I will call for Carson," Cora said finally, rising to her feet and Sarah carefully set her teacup down and rose as well.

"Thank you milady," Sarah said and picked up her bag understanding this as a dismissal. Cora rung for the butler and he arrived quickly, glancing at Sarah for a moment.

"Would you like me to show your guest out?" he asked and Cora's smile widened.

"No Carson, please show Miss O'Brien her room."

Sarah turned her head stunned to the woman and then frowned. "You're hiring me, milady?"

"Yes, I am," Cora smiled brightly. "Oh but of course, you might wish to think this over?"

"Not at all," Sarah said quickly. "I didn't expect this."

And she didn't. She also didn't need to think about her decision.

"You can use the rest of the day to settle in and start tomorrow," Cora told her and later, when all her things had been quickly brought to the house, Sarah sat on her bed and let out a breath beginning a new chapter in her life with a woman that she half resented but in the end loved.

**/x/**

**1914**

She wasn't listening to the chatter around her, everything was just dull noise and she felt she was slowly slipping away. A hand enclosed around hers, tight and warm and drew her back and Cora looked up at. She stood by her side (always at her side, Cora thought) and Cora had never been so pleased to see her like she was just then. Her anchor amidst all this chaos and pain at the loss of her child. She felt so weak and useless but there was never any judgement in O'Brien's eyes. Her eyes seemed just as haunted as her own. Cora glanced at their locked hands, her one so pale and soft against O'Brien's rougher but comforting one. She remembered the care those hands had given her, holding her tightly as she had cried and always ready to catch her.

She squeezed gently at the same time as her heart moved in her chest, stirring new emotions. These would later grow when, after every touch that was shared, a small tingle would shoot through her and make her heart beat faster.

**/x/**

**1919**

She moved in a daze, her bones aching and her head felt like lead. She moved up the stairs to her room, every step felt like an eternity and once inside she sunk down onto her bed. They had all but forced her from her side now that she had passed the danger. She wanted to protest but she couldn't speak, so overcome with emotion.

Suddenly all the tears she had held back came and she cried, curling her body in and covered her face with her hands. She didn't muffle her sobs that wracked her through her and she cried for Cora, for the girl Lavinia and she cried for herself. If there was anyone who should have suffered it should have been her. She cried until all her tears were spent and she collapsed, exhausted against the pillows.

Later, when she went back to Cora's room she found her sleeping. She moved around quietly but when she heard her stir she went straight to her side. Cora stretched out her hand and Sarah took it without any hesitation. God, she looked so pale and small making Sarah's chest constricted.

"You never left," Cora said, her voice so weak.

"Never milady," Sarah breathed and Cora's eyes shined with something more than gratitude. Something that Sarah felt she had not right to.

"My dear O'Brien," Cora said closing her eyes again and Sarah turned her head away, tears burning in her eyes.

/-/

The war might be over yet it seemed that another one was breaking out in her home. No matter what she said, Robert always found some fault and she found she had less and less patience for him. She loved him and yet the war had changed them both and she no longer felt that warm comfort she once found with him. He would lie with her but it was as if they were miles apart, drifting further and further away. Loneliness began to creep in and she turned evermore to the one constant person in her life. If the war set some people apart, it only brought them closer and every night when she had finished undressing her, Cora wished that she would stay just a little longer. She had even begun to call her by her Christian name in her head, a habit that was now hard to break.

She knew Robert had a dislike for her maid and she was not oblivious to Sarah's (O'Brien she tried to mentally correct herself) faults but she could not bear to even think of not having the woman by her side. Rosamund had once teased that Cora would cease to exist without her and sometimes Cora could have believed this to be true. For all her sharp words and sarcasm, her maid proved to be every loyal and protective of her and Cora smiled fondly at the thought of the care she had received from the woman over these long years.

Robert's mood seemed to have suffered throughout the day and during dinner Cora could barely stand to hear him speak as if he was a wounded victim. She signalled for more wine and drunk it down in rather large sips. By her third glass – something that the other's noticed but said nothing – her head felt more than a little foggy and she felt her skin heat up. When they withdrew, Cora swayed and yet she smiled and followed the other women whilst Matthew and Robert hung back. She sat between Cousin Isobel and Edith but paid no attention to them or when Robert and Matthew joined them. She rubbed her temple unconsciously and Isobel asked if she was feeling well, eyeing her as if she was a patient at the hospital and Cora forced a smile.

"I am just tired," she explained and Robert shot her a look as if she had just cursed. She felt a wave of irritation rise but continued to fake her smiles as the others spoke. They did not stay long and when Cora retired Robert followed her into her room. She moved a little unsteadily around and he watched her by the door.

"Did you have to behave like that?" he asked and she looked at him wide-eyed.

"Like what? What have I done wrong _again_, Robert?"

"You know perfectly well. You can hardly stand!"

"Don't be absurd," she retorted though did not tell him that her gaze swam.

"Absurd? You're behaving like a foolish girl, Cora," he said angrily she stared for a moment before replying.

"How do you think it feels when talk like that at dinner? As I am neglecting you," Cora told him, her voice rising. "It is as if you are blaming _me _for something."

"I said no such thing!"

Cora let out a frustrated sound and pressed her hand against her forehead whilst the other clenched at her hip. She felt so angry at him and opened her mouth to retort but heard her door slam and her head snapped up to find that he was gone. She stared at her door and quelled the urge to scream. Instead she banged her fist against her dressing table as she sank down onto the seat, bursting into angry tears. She felt exhausted with her emotions in turmoil then a knock came at the door and she glanced up sharply. She felt such relief to see her maid standing there.

Sarah hesitated in her step, taking in her ladyship carefully from her red eyes and hair escaping from the pins. She had seen his lordship storm out and waited before she went and entered. She hadn't expected to see her crying and so distraught. Anger welled in her towards the man but she checked herself and slowly crossed over to where Cora sat, laying a sympathetic hand on her shoulder.

"Milady?"

"Oh, O'Brien," Cora wiped her eyes, sniffing. "What am I to do with that man?"

There was a scathing remark ready on Sarah's tongue but she deliberately stopped herself from voicing it and inwardly sighed. Cora got to her feet, turning her back to her so Sarah could undress her and sniffed again. Suddenly it was as if she was transported back all those years, when she was stood almost like this in the Woodstone house and this woman was cleaning her up once more.

"I know it's not my place to say so milady, but 'is lordship should not be so unkind," Sarah murmured, tugging the dress down and once Cora (a little unsteadily) stepped out of it, placed it on the bed before returning to undo her corset.

No, Cora thought, it wasn't her place to say things like that but she only smiled warily. Sarah had a tendency to say things that other servants would have been cast out for saying but Cora let it go. She watched her from beneath her lashes as Sarah bent down and peeled down her stockings and swallowed a little. Sarah knew the line and though she toed it she wouldn't cross it. Well, unless Cora let her and that made her inwardly frowned. Why would she want her maid to cross boundaries? Her head hurt and she sighed heavily.

"I'm nearly done milady," Sarah told her, judging the sigh as one of impatience. She dressed her in her night-time attire quickly though Cora murmured to her that there was no rush.

After a few moments she sat down as Sarah unclasped her necklace and laid it on the table. Cora watched her maid carefully in the mirror then lowered her eyes and felt soothed as Sarah gently unpinned her hair. But when she felt the woman's fingers brush against the nape of her neck, her heart fluttered in her chest and a small shiver passed through her.

"Are you cold milady?" Sarah asked, noticing of course and Cora shook her head. An action that she regretted the second she did it as it made her head spin. She wasn't cold, her body felt hot both from the alcohol and now something else. The same feelings always made her body flush now it seemed.

Sarah let her fingers thread through her hair, loving the soft texture against her skin then began to braid it. They didn't speak again until Sarah finished and then Cora stood up as she watched the other woman collect the dress off the bed. She was going to leave her now and a moment of longing rose in Cora. She didn't want to be alone just yet and it must have been evident on her face as Sarah slowed down and then just stood facing her. Cora took a few steps forward and Sarah gazed at her seeing Cora with wide eyes, pink cheeks and parted lips. She was so beautiful in that moment that it seemed humanly impossible.

Cora's mind was swimming but the only clear and constant thought was that she wanted to do this. She wanted to take this risk. She swayed on her feet and she was sure that the other woman could smell of wine on her breath. But there was no judgement in her eyes, only what seemed to be deep longing and Cora leaned in.

"Sarah…" she whispered, her eyes fell to her lips and then back to her eyes. Her maid boldly touched her face and it was the most simplest of touches and yet it made Cora's heart soar. She lowered her head slowly and then kissed her.

Sarah's lungs locked and she couldn't quite believe that this was happening. Cora made a small sound, moving her lips more firmly on hers in small kisses. That made Sarah want more and she kissed her back slowly until they grew bolder with every brush of their lips and Sarah wound her arm around her and pressed their bodies together. Cora's mouth opened and their kisses became deeper, enflaming them and set their hearts almost bursting from their chests.

"We shouldn't," Cora gasped remembering herself as she wrenched away and saw both shock and hurt in Sarah's eyes. But even as she moved her body screamed at her to go back and press itself against the other. They had fit perfectly. Sarah felt as if she had been punched in the stomach, she actually wished she had been. This was a bloody mess, everything about it and she cursed herself. Of course this wasn't what Cora wanted, why should she?

"I will leave," she said and Cora's eyes widened even more. She had meant the room, not permanently but before she could adjust her statement Cora had grabbed hold of her wrist, surprisingly strong for such a slight woman, and looked at her imploringly.

"Please, don't leave," she said and Sarah felt her heart ache over the woman. "Don't leave me."

"Milady…" Sarah struggled for the words, completely thrown by the desperation. "I won't."

Cora let out a breath that seemed to deflate her whole being and she let go of Sarah's wrist, moving to sink onto the end of her bed. Her shoulders caved in and she looked so fragile that Sarah wanted to just wrap her arms about her and protect her. She had always wanted to do that but she had just caused her pain, her guilt spoke to her and she inwardly flinched. Cora's head drooped as she gazed at the floor rather than her maid.

"Do you remember that night?" she asked so quietly Sarah had to strain to hear her. Her heart started to beat faster. Of course she remembered that night, it had taunted her for so long, the stem of her resentment of her and her constant wish that she had kissed her. In her head it would have been glorious, not this wreck that emerged from a moment she had longed for.

"Yes," she replied but Cora wasn't really listening to her.

"I've often thought about it," she whispered, almost ashamed that she was saying this. "Recently anyway, more than before. I kept thinking what if?"

She gazed at Sarah who swallowed and couldn't quite meet her eye. Her words pierced through her, everything she said just echoed her own thoughts. Always surrounded by the question: what if?

"I thought it too, milady," Sarah confessed and Cora's eyes were glassy with tears. Sarah tentatively sat next to her and placed her hand on top of Cora's that lay folded in her lap. Cora turned to her pressing her forehead against Sarah's and closed her eyes, a single tear falling between them. Sarah felt Cora's fingers tighten against hers and raised her free hand to gently brush against her cheek.

"I didn't forget," Sarah murmured as she wiped away another tear as Cora gazed at her.

There was so much Cora wanted to say to her but she just brushed her lips briefly over hers, unable to stop herself.

"Sarah, we should not…" Cora whispered yet shifted towards her.

"Say you don't want it," Sarah told her lowly and moved her head back away from Cora's tempting mouth.

"But I do," Cora admitted, her face the perfect picture of pain. "I want-" she stopped short as if she was frightened by what she was about to say.

"You're sure milady?" Sarah asked, her fingers brushing down the side of her neck and dancing over skin that she had known for so many years but had not touched like this before. Cora's shudder and her sharp intake of breath was her surrender and gave a small, slightly coy, nod. Sarah felt overwhelming relief and before anything more could be said she kissed her and entered bliss.

They moved together, turning in and pressing body against body dispelling any distance. Cora made a small, appreciative sound in the back of her throat when Sarah's tongue lapped at her own and tugged at her nightdress. She hadn't been kissed like this for a long time – if ever she thought hazily. Cora was still fully aware that her maid was completely dressed and sought to help undo her dress, fiddling with the tiny buttons at the front.

Unused to doing such a task she struggled and had to break the kiss in order to look at what she was doing. Sarah let her do it until her impatience won out and she undid the rest herself. Cora looked a little apologetic but her hands slipped beneath the open folds of the dress and traced the tops of her breasts through the chemise. She moved her fingers down to the corset and tugged on the lace, giving Sarah a look. Sarah took in a breath as she unlaced the rest and tried not to blush at this undressing. She knew Cora was more than comfortable in her own skin, she had seen her naked countless of times and yet Cora had never seen her and Sarah suddenly felt very self-conscious.

As if guessing her thoughts, Cora pressed small kisses along her jaw and then down her neck. She moved further onto the bed so she knelt by Sarah's side and as Sarah continued to undress herself, Cora's hands went to her hair and carefully drew out the pins, dropping them carelessly onto the floor. Sarah got up, pushing her dress down and then quickly took off her shoes and stockings. She kept only her chemise on before drawing Cora up against her, kissing her deeply and pushed her back onto the bed, coming down to lie above her. Her hand went under Cora's nightdress and drew it up slowly, uncovering her till she lay naked and then her hand roamed freely over soft skin. Cora's breathing hitched and she kissed Sarah harder, fingers tightening in her loose hair when Sarah cupped her breast and thumbed her nipple.

Sarah's mouth, after she dragged it down her neck and sucked at her pulse at her neck, went down to her breasts and she heard Cora moan as her tongue darted out and swirled over one tight nipple before drawing it between her lips. She sucked lightly and then grazed it when her teeth which made Cora moan more and she smiled at the sound. She repeated the actions onto the other as her fingers skimmed over her thighs and moved between them. Cora's legs parted slowly and when Sarah traced her sex lightly, she shuddered.

Cora had never felt as aroused as she did at that moment. Sarah's mouth teased her breasts making her chest ache and her sex throbbed. Sarah's fingers touched her but barely and she moaned, her hips moving for the want of more. Then her touch became more definite, rubbing over her and then slid inside. She groaned and Sarah lifted her head and caught her mouth, kissing her once again as her fingers moved at an excruciatingly slow pace within her. Cora reached out and hauled up Sarah's chemise, wanting to press skin to skin and Sarah sat back for a second, pulling it off before quickly settling over her and continued to pleasure her.

Sarah pressed her thumb against Cora's clit, the groans and laboured breathing a delight to listen to and she moved her fingers inside her faster. She was so wet and hot, hips moving in a counter thrust and she wanted this to last forever. When she removed her hand, Cora whimpered but then gasped, eyes flying open as Sarah's mouth settled over her. Her tongue and fingers now licked and thrust into her and as Cora's back arched, her moans broke in her throat and her hand gripped Sarah's head rocking her hips helplessly against the woman.

Sarah knew Cora would come soon and it only took her to suck hard on her clit and thrust her fingers in deeply before she felt her muscles clenched around her and a small cry was sounded as she did. She lapped at her and when Cora's body stilled she crawled back up and Cora drew her down to kiss her again and again. Cora could taste herself and shivered with how erotic she found it. She had never had it like this, never known that she could react so strongly and feel so elated after. She wrapped her arms around the woman that had to done this to her and buried her face against her neck.

Sarah stroked her back whilst she settled down beside her and smiled to herself enjoying the obvious gratitude she was receiving. The woman had seemed a little surprised by how hard she came and this made Sarah raise her eyebrow in wonder about the sex between his lordship and her. She inwardly snorted, it was obvious that his lordship had never given his wife an orgasm like that and for that Sarah felt incredibly smug.

"Sarah," Cora breathed, lifting her head so she could look at her face. There was a dream-like quality to Cora's smile as now she shifted on her side to lean half-above Sarah. She kissed her languidly whilst her hands went over Sarah's unexplored skin. She stroked her breasts, tweaking one nipple gently before tracing paths down over her stomach. She reached her hip when Sarah's hand stopped her and she eased back from the kiss to see what was wrong. Sarah looked at her, letting her expression convey everything – that Cora didn't have to do this. Yet Cora smiled softly and pressed a small kiss on her lips before her hand wriggled out of her maid's grasp and she watched Sarah's face when her fingers pressed against her. She swallowed hard and one hand clenched the bed sheets as Cora's fingers explored carefully. Cora bit her lip gently, nudging Sarah's legs to open further with her hand and she slid one finger in.

Sarah's eyes shut, unable to believe that this was happening and tried to cover her moans as the Countess slipped in another finger and began to move them in and out of her. As Cora watched with wide-eyes as the woman writhed beneath her, her own breath hitched. It delighted her no end to know that she was the one that was making Sarah groan like this – for her! Sarah's mouth sought hers, gasping into her as Cora pressed her thumb down on her clit. Her hips bucked and then in a soundless cry she came, her body arched and taunt until she managed to drag in a breath and collapse back. Cora looked so pleased with herself, bringing her fingers to her mouth and licking them slowly which made Sarah shiver. Bleedin' hell, was she trying to kill her with lust?

Cora remained above her, swinging her leg over to straddle her thighs and held Sarah's hands, their fingers locked together and Sarah titled her head as Cora smiled down. Sarah felt incredibly exposed but the woman above her didn't seem to mind – in fact far from it – as she raked her eyes over her and gave a small hum of delight.

"Did you enjoy that, O'Brien?" she purred with a wicked raise of her eyebrow and Sarah tried not blush like she was some soppy maid.

"I know _you_ did," she answered boldly. Well, Cora could hardly reprimand her for that after what they had just done. Cora beamed but then her smile slowly started to fade as it sunk into her. She had enjoyed it, _too much_, with someone who was not her husband. Robert… her stomach tightened and her shoulders sagged. She had just taken a lover, a _female_ lover, and she slowly sat back. Sarah moved to sit up and wrapped her arms around her tiny waist. She had seen her smile fall and as ever Cora's thoughts and feelings were plain on her beautiful face. There was guilt there, there would always be some guilt, but as Sarah ran her hands down her back and then over her shoulders, there was something more. She kissed her neck lightly, comfortingly, and Cora held onto her laying her head against her shoulder.

Sarah felt her tears seep into her skin and her gut clenched hating the way Cora cried against her and all she could do was to stroke her hair and murmur incoherent things to her. Eventually Cora lifted her head and Sarah wiped her face gently to which Cora gave her a small watery smile.

"I am sorry," she whispered and Sarah shook her head slightly.

"There's no need to apologise milady. Especially not to me."

Cora looked down, her hands trailing down Sarah's arms and then felt Sarah's fingers gently touch her chin, bringing her head up to look at her. She kissed her gently and very slowly and after a few seconds Cora responded, enclosing her arms around her and let Sarah bring her down and show her love all over again.

**A couple of months later**

She ran her hands down her back feeling the gentle notches of her spine underneath porcelain skin. She felt more like silk than skin and she traced light patterns across her shoulder blades. Cora smiled softly, drifting still in the aftermath and trying not to purr at her lover's attentive touch. Sarah lay stretched out beside her propped on her side then glanced up to see Cora watch her from under her lashes. Her face was half hidden buried in the pillow and Sarah brushed away some of her curls from her neck before leaning down to kiss her nape. It was on the spot that tickled her and she squirmed delightfully against Sarah, trying not to giggle as she did. Sarah lay back down next to her and Cora kissed her, rising up onto her forearms and pressed her breasts against Sarah's arm. Sarah didn't miss the hint but she reluctantly stopped before she got lost in the moment. That was, after all, the reason why they were tangled up in her bed.

"You gotta to get dressed," Sarah told her though she really didn't want to stop. Cora gave her the pouting look that she used when she wanted something and normally it worked wonders. But glancing at the clock Sarah knew that questions would be asked. Cora was already late as it was that morning and she told her that to which Cora sighed, but nevertheless sat up pulling the sheets around her. She watched Sarah dress, always amazed by how quickly she could do it all and without anyone to help her. As she slid the last pin into her hair securely she turned to Cora and stretched out her hand. Cora took it and proceeded to stand there whilst Sarah dressed her though she did stop her on occasion to kiss her teasingly. Sarah bustled her over to her dress to fix her hair, combing through the bed-tousled curls and twisted and pinned them into place. Eventually she was ready and they shared a small kiss before Cora opened the door, whispering to her that she would call for her later and then proceeded to go and join her family.

Sarah quickly tided the room as much as possible before she headed downstairs and sat in her familiar spot at the table. No one made any comment over how late she was and Sarah ignored them all and glanced at the clock nearby. She began her mental countdown until she would next be by the Countess' side and everything appeared so much brighter that morning.

_fin._

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><p><strong>AN:** Reviews are love!


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